Today when starting a casual conversation over Facebook with a guy, who we will name X for his anonymity, I was told some devastating news. His girlfriend of the last several years had cheated on him with one of his really good friends. To make matters worse, X and this girl, Y, were in a very popular band around the area of my hometown and who were just starting to make some noise on the regional level of the industry, which was really exciting to them. Needless to say the band is now on a break.
My first reaction was simple surprise to this news. X is a really nice caring, guy who you wouldn't think of any one who knows him doing anything bad towards him. And then in an instant two people very close to him cut him down from behind. I felt so terrible for him. But my second reaction was, "why is he telling me this?"
Here is my history with X, he is a really good friend of one of my best friends. I know him through only a few times hanging out in groups of 10 or larger. Wh really don't know each other that well. He is just a really nice guy who I know through a friend. He was always nice to me and all but it wasn't like we hung out a lot together.
So wouldn't you know it the first thing that pops into my head only minutes after ending this sad conversation with X was the strength of weak ties. I started talking to X today trying to figure out how to get a ticket to his next show, and the next thing I know he is telling me how his life has been shattered into pieces the last few weeks. Now personally I don't mind people telling me their baggage especially if I like that person and care for their well being. But I found it odd that he was just so out in the open with me.
But this turns into a lesson in the strength of weak ties that people have in their lives. To me and him our relationship is a weak tie, a friend of a friend. But through that he was able to vent and share his troubles with me. Which in turn may cause a stronger tie to be created. On the other end of the spectrum girl Y and guy Z broke their strong ties to X when they decided to lie to him and the destroy the relationships. They chose whether conscious or not to leave a group and the shattered their ties. No matter how strong those ties may have been Y and Z's will power overcame it and X has to deal with the pain that comes when strong ties are broken.
It makes one wonder about the relationships we have. Imagine if X would have had a strong pre-existing tie with you instead, the conversation could have been much more in depth, and had he relied in someone he had a stronger tie with they could have helped him through it with tales from the past.
ReplyDeleteFor reasons like this I believe we subconsciously hold on to those who we have stronger ties with, we typically have known them longer, and the relationship benefits both of us.
We must also as if maybe X, concerned about his looking glass self had somehow been so concerned about it, he never stopped to make friends outside of his girlfriend. This would deff explain his sudden reliance on you.
Good post sir! Plenty of room for contemplation.